31 Days of Blogging Honesty – Day 8

#8. I wish I had never…

Oh dear, we’re starting to get into personal territory here aren’t we?  Well, there’s no turning back now.

I wish I had never given up my virginity to someone who didn’t love me.  I’m not going to name names, or go into detail, because I frankly don’t want to.  When I was younger, and up until a few years ago, I felt very unloved, unwanted, and not worthy.  I thought that doing that would make someone feel that they could care about me, or want me.  And of course it didn’t, and I got hurt in a number of ways. 

I think it’s quite obvious why I wish this never happened.  But, I would like to add that alongside this, I wish I had loved myself more back then, and realized that I deserve to be treated better, and that I should treat myself better. 

I suppose in the long run though, I don’t look back and feel regret – you know, that big pit in your stomach that just won’t go away.  I’ve made my mistakes, and as much as I “wish” that it never happened, it did, and I have to live with them.  I wish I could go back and tell myself that it’ll be ok, but I don’t regret it – because I am who I am because of my actions, if none of it ever happened, I wouldn’t be me.

So sure, I wish it never happened, but then again, I’m kind of glad it did.  Because even if I didn’t like who I was back then, and didn’t feel love or worthy then, I do now – and maybe I needed to learn the hardest way possible how to do that.

"A Dark Room" by Saber Hodson


4 thoughts on “31 Days of Blogging Honesty – Day 8

  1. All you experiences (good and bad) have made you into the wonderful person you are today. I loved the honesty of this post, it was raw and matter of fact.

    That photo is one of my favourites of you:)

    • Thank you Saber 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it! And thank you again for those photos, they’re like the only photos of me that I like! 😛

      Also, you know what I realized? Everytime I hear the word raw I always think of 10th kingdom, with the naked emperor.

  2. A very sensible outlook on something that cannot be changed. I have a soft spot in my heart for girls who feel as you used to. It breaks my heart but thank God there are those like you who can break the chains and emerge victorious!

    Very nice image captured by Saber.

    • Well it’s nice to know there are kind guys out there like you 🙂 and to be honest, the guy in particular that used me, he still feels bad about it, and I suppose that makes it a bit better. At least he’s not a total pig or anything lol. The way I look at it, I made the mistake – I can blame him or someone else, but it was my mistake to make, and I might as well take responsibility for it, and try to take a negative experience and make it into something positive.

      And yes, I like that picture too – Saber’s so talented!

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