#8. I wish I had never…
Oh dear, we’re starting to get into personal territory here aren’t we? Well, there’s no turning back now.
I wish I had never given up my virginity to someone who didn’t love me. I’m not going to name names, or go into detail, because I frankly don’t want to. When I was younger, and up until a few years ago, I felt very unloved, unwanted, and not worthy. I thought that doing that would make someone feel that they could care about me, or want me. And of course it didn’t, and I got hurt in a number of ways.
I think it’s quite obvious why I wish this never happened. But, I would like to add that alongside this, I wish I had loved myself more back then, and realized that I deserve to be treated better, and that I should treat myself better.
I suppose in the long run though, I don’t look back and feel regret – you know, that big pit in your stomach that just won’t go away. I’ve made my mistakes, and as much as I “wish” that it never happened, it did, and I have to live with them. I wish I could go back and tell myself that it’ll be ok, but I don’t regret it – because I am who I am because of my actions, if none of it ever happened, I wouldn’t be me.
So sure, I wish it never happened, but then again, I’m kind of glad it did. Because even if I didn’t like who I was back then, and didn’t feel love or worthy then, I do now – and maybe I needed to learn the hardest way possible how to do that.