I have decided that I need to start doing more creative writing on a daily basis. If I don’t keep up with it, I’ll lose all my creative juices. And I think a good outlet for my creative outlet is poetry. They can say a thousand words without even actually saying what I want to say. They can be silly, they can be serious, they can be funny or sad. And I need to start writing more. I have a novel on the go and I haven’t worked on it since October. So I figure if I start forcing myself to get back into writing, getting back to work on my novel won’t feel so difficult.
I have written a few new poems in the past week, and I’m posting three (one is a bit older, I had posted on Facebook). They’re all kind of depressing, and I’m not sure why. Generally I’m pretty happy, but maybe that’s because I keep a lot of stuff pent up inside (definitely not good – I sense an emotion explosion in the near future, DUN DUN DUNNNN). But, I like the ones that I’m posting, and I hope anyone who reads this does too!
I know you know –
it’s a secret shouting from my soul.
I know you could love me; and
that you could make me whole.
I have waited years for you.
I would wait an eternity more.
This feeling drives me; builds me –
it’s within all my fibres, in all of my pores.
Every time you’ve made me cry,
and all the times you’ve caused me pain –
never feel as strong as when you
make me smile; you are the sunshine to my rain.
Not one single person in my life
affects me in the way you do.
The only reason to wake, to breathe, to live;
the only thing compelling me is you.
Morning sun, I wake with you on mind;
haunted by you – all day, all night.
Unrequited love, for you are blind.
My deepest thoughts must be confined,
deep in my soul, never to see the light.
And though I pine for you my dear,
you need not worry about my pain.
Content I am with your presence near –
never your lover, but always your peer.
From expressing my love I shall refrain.
And one day from now my love will fade;
only an echo of what would never be.
The truth I know, despite being afraid:
you will never love me (although I’ve prayed).
I know you and I could never become “we”.
The day ends, thoughts still linger on you;
finding my mind will not allow relief.
Silently hoping your thoughts are of me too –
despite the fact I know it is not true.
I sleep alone again, accompanied by grief.
The Hole in My Heart
I find I am falling down an endless hole
with no bottom near, no ledge in sight.
Somehow I have lost all control,
there is no stopping this downward flight.
The hole gets tighter, the darkness takes hold.
All that was dear to me, now is lost –
empty of joy and love; all that is left is the cold.
I am now nothing but the despair and the frost.
The hole becomes my soul, withered and black.
I am falling in the pit that was once my heart.
The love I once had, I cannot get back,
All that was me, I have torn apart.
The pieces that were my love are tattered,
the parts that were my thoughts are faded.
Any remainder of my heart is shattered;
Any hope left is diminished, for I am jaded.
I have lost all hope in life, and I am but a shell,
a container of nothing, but grief and lies.
On my life before I shall not dwell,
the person I am and never will be again: I despise.
For I have fallen into the pit of self hate,
like others before me, the selfish and frail.
For rescue and aid I hopelessly wait;
But until I help myself, none shall prevail.
Well I hope anyone who reads this enjoyed my poems. I’m hoping to post at least one new poem every Thursday, and hopefully that’ll keep my creative juices flowing.