So I’m having my coffee, and I just finished watching “Silence of the Lambs” for probably the 20th time – and I started thinking how if I ever met Hannibal Lecter (if he were real of course), how I would definitely not want to get on his bad side. As I started thinking, I decided to make a top 10 list of movie psychos that I wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of.
10. Michael Myers (Halloween)
Now I know Michael Myers is from a bunch of slasher films, and to be honest, most of them I don’t even really like. I enjoyed the original Halloween, as well as the Rob Zombie remakes. And there are a lot of people who don’t like Rob Zombie’s take on this horror classic. Well those people can bite me because I enjoyed them. Michael Myers in both films is fucking scary – he’s this massive guy who just kills people. In both films there’s speculation about why he’s doing it, and a bit of back story in the more recent films, but there is no definitive reason. This what brings him to number 10 of my list – I wouldn’t want to encounter him period, let alone get on his bad side (I wonder if he has a good side)
9. Alex Forrest (Fatal Attraction)
Why does this slim blonde beat out Michael Myers? Well in my opinion, a bitch with an issue is fucking worse than a giant that’s nuts. I mean, like most girls she’s got issues with wanting to be loved, except she takes it to the extreme-way-past-the-norm-line. It’s clear what kind of crap she does when Michael Douglas’ character gets on her bad side. She beats out Michael Myers because Michael is going to chase you, he’s going to kill you. If he can’t get you he’ll move on and kill whoever else is next. Alex Forrest will chase you, attempt to kill you, you’re family – and even your pet rabbit! She’s one C-Nut not to be messed with.
8. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
I know, I know – another slasher flick villain. Freddy is just awesome though. I never found these movies scary (and thats saying something cause I get scared easily), but Freddy was the reason I watched them. I mean this guy has got some serious issues. He’s out to get revenge by killing people’s kids in their sleep? How fucking psychotic is that? I would definitely not want to get on his bad side – lest he kill me or worse (if I had any) my children!
7. Jack Torrence (The Shining)
Some people would put Jack Torrence closer to the top spot on the list. And I don’t disagree that he’s one mean son-of-a-bitch (and crazy as that), but I have a few reasons why he just barely made it on my list. A)In the film Jack (despite being played by Jack Nicholson) is portrayed to be a loving father and an overall good guy, he only later becomes a psycho due to the hotel. B)In the novel Jack Torrence has a lot more going for him to be a psychopath, a lot of anger issues and it seemed like he was always hiding his inner killer. But in the film, it felt more like it just erupted out of nowhere – which is still very frightening, but in my opinion it doesn’t earn him a higher rank.
6. Mickey and Mallory Knox (Natural Born Killers)
Natural Born Killers is a great movie, and a completely fucked up one at that. These two lovebirds don’t have any motive, but enjoy killing innocent people alongside each other. And that to me is something to fear – they would kill and torture anyone, at any time, anywhere. I wouldn’t want to get on their bad side, just so they would kill me quickly instead of taking their time.
5. Otis (The Devil’s Rejects)
House of 1000 Corpses isn’t a bad horror flick, I just don’t think it’s nearly as good as Devil’s Rejects. The Devil’s Rejects is just one big gory mind-fuck and Otis is one fucking bad ass psycho. He has no control over his temper, and he will do anything to torture and fuck with you. He has no remorse, and I definitely would not want to get on his bad side.
4. Norman Bates (Psycho)
Does anyone really need an explanation? Despite the fact that “Psycho” is the title of the film, Norman Bates has that outer appearance of a (mostly) normal guy, and thats what makes him scary. With Michael Myers it is understandable why anyone would be scared, but if you’re not suspecting someone to kill you in the shower – isn’t that a bit more frightening? This mama’s boy has got some serious issues, and if you haven’t seen Psycho (preferably the original), then I strongly recommend that you do.
3. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
It was hard for me not to put Lecter in the top 1 spot. Honestly, I would never want to get on the bad side of Hannibal Lecter, or he might rip off my face and eat it. However, he is also a very educated man, and if I could persuade him to not kill me, it wouldn’t be quite as frightening as the top 2 and 1 spots. I still wouldn’t want to get on his bad side though – I still like my Liver where it is thanks.
2. John Doe (Se7en)
Everyone has committed at least one of the seven deadly sins at least once in their life, which is why I would not want to get on this guys bad side. He has patience, and he goes unnoticed – which is why he is such a scary psycho. He took 1 year torturing a guy for his crime of “sloth”, and that’s just sick. I would definitely try to “stay holy” if I thought this guy would actually kill me for being sinful.
1. Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)
This guy has serious issues with people – women especially. He has no motive, and even when he confesses he gets away with it. I would not want to get on his bad side because I honestly don’t want him to drop a chainsaw on my head. He doesn’t kill people for revenge, or because he had a poor upbringing, or because he’s a 7 foot tall mask wearing oddity – he does it because he can. If he were real, he would kill you because he needed to pass the time. He’d kill you because you had a better apartment than him, or a better haircut, or a better business card! It would be hard to tell if you crossed his bad side because he would smile about it to your face and then drug you and stab you later. He is one guy I would definitely not want to get on the wrong side of. By the way isn’t that picture just fucking priceless?
Well there you have it – my top 10 list of movie psychos I definitely would not want to get on the wrong side of. If you don’t agree, and have a better suggestion I encourage comments! I’m always open for suggestion!
Now – off to go Irish up my coffee 😉