30 Days of Blogging Honesty (+1 Dare) – Day 23

“Allowing another person to fully love me means I must…”

This is a tough question.  Mostly because love can represent so many different relationships and to me each one works a little different.

I think one thing I have to do to fully love someone is to accept them for they are, including all of their good qualities and all of their faults.  No one is perfect, especially me; for me to fully love someone, I have to accept their not-so-great qualities and make peace with them.  I try to see them as idiosyncrasies instead of something negative.  Everyone does something that may be annoying to someone else, and if you can’t learn to live with those things that will never, ever change, then you’re not really leaving yourself up to be loved by this person.

Another thing I must do to allow someone to really love me fully, is I need to be vulnerable to this person.  Which may sound easy for some, but for me, it’s not that easy.  I have a wall up quite a bit of the time, mostly to save face.  To allow someone to love me, they need to have this wall come down.  And that’s not to say I don’t let my wall down from time to time with my friends, it’s just a lot of the time I don’t want them to be upset or even to see me as weak (which I know in my mind they never will because they’re awesome, but it’s that worry-wart inside me that thinks that).  For example – with my boyfriend, he wanted me to stop hiding my feelings because when I do that I bottle them up and then I end up exploding and in turn, what happens is a “dropped bagel incident”.  Once while we were at Tim Horton’s in the morning, this was right after my birthday and two weeks prior to that, we had a fight.  Well, we didn’t see each other until the night of my birthday.  So for two whole weeks, we rarely spoke, texted, or even saw each other.  I wanted to give him his space, while ignoring my own feelings of insecurities, so I held them in.  That morning, I dropped my bagel on the floor, and I started crying.  That poor boy had no idea what was going on.  So after that I promised to be open with how I’m feeling.  Which may have been bad for him because lately I’ve been crying a lot, but beggars can’t be choosers (and he’s not complaining, so I guess that’s a good thing).

I think one thing I also have to do to fully allow someone to love me is to know when to back down.  I can be a persistent, stubborn, asshole – and don’t object, it is true sometimes.  Sometimes I get in my moods and I’m snarky.  Sometimes I have every right to stand my ground or to wait for the other person to apologize – sometimes I don’t, sometimes I’m stupid and I do stupid things and people have a right to be mad.  However, what I’m getting at is that I know sometimes there isn’t a point fighting, especially over something like a misunderstanding, or something small.  I love the people in my life, I love my friends, my family, and my boyfriend.  I know that sometimes – well actually – a lot of the time, it’s better just to make up than to be right or to win a fight.  I try to not to fight with people but you know, life happens and sometimes people get in conflicts.  I said in my previous question post that someone has to be able to meet me halfway, to be able to compromise with me – when it comes to conflicts, I know that I need to do that too.  I can have really strong principles, and I can be stubborn, but when it comes to the really important stuff, that little thing called pride means dick if you have no one left in your life to love.  When it comes to disagreements, I will do anything to make sure I keep the people I love in my life, they’re the best part of me.

"where is the love?" by julkusiowa on deviantart.com

The most up to date list available of participants: Nicole, Last Civilized Woman, Bannatreasures, Sajeev, Happyhippierose, Aurathena, Melanie, Marliz3e, TheFerkel, Prysmatique, AnonymousBurn, Caroline, Koi, Sylvia Garza, Mariana, Nenskei, MyNakedBokkie, Bluefiadiarries, VeehCirra, Princesa Musang, DLonelyStar, LJ, Terriblethinker, Sleep and Salami, Primadonna Zel, and Tom Baker. NSFW Sites: Everything Love & Lust, TemptingSweets99, Sofia.

30 Days of Blogging Honesty (+1 Dare) – Day 22

“Allowing another person to fully love me means they must…”

I find this one of the hardest questions to answer for this meme.  The one after this is even harder though.

Allowing another person to fully love me means they must actively pursue my love.  What I mean by that is that I need for someone to actually put an effort in for a relationship.  When it comes to some of my current or past relationships, both friendly and romantic, I feel like I’ve put in a lot of the effort.  It’s tiring, knowing that you’re 90% of the effort that goes into the friendship.  I’ve even given up putting that much energy in and found myself without those friends in my life.

To allow someone to fully love me means they need to actually meet half-way with me.  I need to know that we’re in this together, that it’s not one person coasting along, that neither of us is pulling the other’s weight as far as making the relationship work.  Granted, sometimes stuff happens and someone has to pull a bit more weight from time to time, but I mean in the general grand scheme of love.

To me, love isn’t a fairytale – I don’t believe in “love at first sight”, it’s called lust people.  I don’t believe in soul mates, and I don’t believe in fate.  But I do believe in hard work, and I believe that some people are better together than others.  Love is about working together, to make things work, to compromise.  For someone to fully love me, the need to be able to work with me on our relationship, or eventually I’ll burn out and it’ll fail.  I can’t do the work of two people forever.

One other thing the other person must do is be able to make me laugh.  If I can’t joke with someone, there isn’t room for to fully love them, and they probably wouldn’t have much fun being around me either.

"It's Love" by DaliSina on deviantart.com

Oh and to all of my fellow participants – I will be stopping by each and every one of your blogs in the next few days to catch up on the posts that I’ve missed.  And after I’ve caught up, I will try my hardest to read your meme posts at least every other day to stay on top of everything.  Sorry for my delay on comments, my busy weeks are over so now I have more free time.  Huzzah!

The most up to date list available of participants: Nicole, Last Civilized Woman, Bannatreasures, Sajeev, Happyhippierose, Aurathena, Melanie, Marliz3e, TheFerkel, Prysmatique, AnonymousBurn, Caroline, Koi, Sylvia Garza, Mariana, Nenskei, MyNakedBokkie, Bluefiadiarries, VeehCirra, Princesa Musang, DLonelyStar, LJ, Terriblethinker, Sleep and Salami, Primadonna Zel, and Tom Baker. NSFW Sites: Everything Love & Lust, TemptingSweets99, Sofia.

Poetry Thursday #79

Another break from the 30 Days of Honest Blogging posts.  Which is greatly needed, it’s very popular this year and very hard to keep up with!  It seems like everyone is having a great time though, so I can’t complain.  I’m looking forward to reading everyone’s answers today, and remember to check back tomorrow for my next answer.

And now with the poetry!  Hurray!

Deceptive Thoughts (and Nothing More)
Unfaithful by my thoughts;
a passing stranger
wetting my lips,
trembling my heart.
Thoughts of tender touches.
Thoughts – and nothing more.

Catching butterflies
in the knots in my stomach.
Breaking their wings -
no more fluttering flights
of frivolous fancies.
A girl’s crush is not love.

No more dreams of dark
mysteries in my mind.
Leave my heart, for
it was never yours to have.
Leave my mind, for
you and my heart deceive me.

There is only room for one
to grasp my hand,
to kiss my lips and
feel my hips beneath them.
There is only room for one
to occupy my heart.

"Desire" by BFKNKN on deviantart.com

Poetry Thursday #78

A little bit of a break from the 30 Days of Blogging Honesty and One Dare posts is in order – so I’m posting another poem I found in a random notebook of mine.  On another note, my mood is all over the place lately, and one weird thing is I’ve been craving a lot of sweets (which I rarely crave – usually I crave salty foods).  So I’m feeling a bit off today, feel like I need to rush around and do stuff but I don’t feel like doing anything I need to do.  Strang indeed!

Anyways, here’s my poem.  Remember to check back tomorrow for the next question for the 30 Days posts.

Petals
Buds forming on the trees,
the grass finding life again,
sunlight through the clouds -
blossoms of the spring.
A tulip pressed against my lips,
a gentle kiss and a silent wish.
Plucking petals one by one,
a young girl’s game
for a hopeful heart.
He loves me, he loves me not -
it seems I often sit
with my heart outstretched,
throwing petals into the wind.

"He Loves Me He Loves Me Not2" by Sweetsurrender13 on deviantart.com

Poetry Thursday #77

Before I show you guys my poem for this week, I wanted to announce that I will be participating in this years 30 Days of Blogging Honesty + One Dare.  I enjoyed the 31 Days of Blogging Honesty so much last year, that I thought it’d be good to participate again.  This will be starting on the 1st of April, so remember to check it out!

I have a little journal I keep with me in my purse for writing poems and thoughts down.  After neglecting my writing for a while, I picked it up and found an older poem that I thought would be nice to share.  Enjoy!

Breathing You
Sweet nothings echoing,
pulsing beats in my veins -
a certain strange, unfamiliar;
welcome, yet uninvited.
Could I stop my heart
from this rapid beat
by pure will alone?
Would I suffocate myself
to stop me, stifle me,
from breathing every breath
of you inside?
Would I let you go
forever -  to never want again?
Could I let you?

"Love" by Jan Pirnat aka janpirnatphoto on deviantart.com