31 Days of Blogging Honesty – Day 27

#27. Something I really hate about myself is…

I really hate answering these types of questions, because I find I’m the type of person to dwell on my negative attributes, obsess over them and become very unhappy.

But honestly, there are lots of things I hate about myself.  Some days I hate how I look, I hate that I’m fat, I hate that I’m short, I hate that I have a weird callous on my one finger, or that I have a cyst.  Some days I hate how unmotivated I am, how lazy I can be, how unproductive I am.  Some days I hate that I can’t sing, that I can’t dance, and that I can’t roll my “r”s.  I hate that I hate parts about myself sometimes, and I hate how easily other people can make me feel bad about myself. 

I think the best way to really answer this question though, is to say that: I really hate how I can let myself get bogged down with my imperfections, instead of embracing them.  Some days I do a really good job of this, some days not so much.  I guess it’s hard when people get hung up at my imperfections, because it makes it easier for me to become obsessed with them.

Really though, I don’t try to sit here and think “Gee, I hate me” - because I don’t.  It’s too easy to hate yourself, it’s too easy to just let everything overwhelm you and be unhappy.  I think that’s a really cheap way to go through life.  It’s much more fulfilling to work hard and feel something great in the end.

Poetry Thursday #33

Hurray it’s Poetry Thursday!  I’m very happy I actually made it to Thursday and had something to post.  For a good portion of the week I still felt pretty sick, and I haven’t been up for doing much to be honest.  But I’m glad to say I’m feeling a bit better, just a cough still (nothing I can’t handle).  Besides some silly emotional crap, I’ve been doing pretty well, so there’s no excuses for not having poems this week.  And I actually made myself sit down and write, and I’m happy I did.  Wow, that was very rambly, sorry about that.  Let’s just skip my rambling and get to the poems!  Let me know what you think!! 

Oh, and remember to check the Coming Soon page for upcoming posts!  Have a great weekend guys!

Plain
I am me, and I am plain,
and there is no beauty here
(that you have made very clear).
This fact does not cause me pain.
I still dance within the rain,
letting go of all my fear,
ignoring the hateful jeers.
It will not hurt me again.

Look past my face, see my eyes,
see a person you did not know.
There hides beauty deep below
lurking in this plain disguise.
Look beyond my larger size,
see my soul, see how it glows.
The skin never really shows
the truth; wait to be surprised.

“The Light” by Saber Hodson on deviantart.com

Deep In The Night
Deep in the night, within the sky:
Echoes of a forgotten cry.
The blood once spilt (a darkened stain),
Never washed away with the rain.
Memories of a buried lie.

A scar as one was left to die,
Left alone with their blood to dry.
The ground is tainted with their pain
Deep in the night.

With their concluding, lifeless, sigh,
Whispering their final goodbye,
Accepting fate, for they are slain;
In this life they cannot remain.
And with death they can learn to fly
Deep in the night.

“Lonely” by Lil-Noir on deviantart.com

Poetry Thursday #30

Wow – I’ve done 30 Poetry Thursday posts!  I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty proud of myself.  I know there were a few weeks back when I had started this that I didn’t keep up with my poetry writing, but over all I’m really happy I kept up with it.  There’s something extremely cathartic about writing poems, and I know that they’ve helped me express some feelings and thoughts that I have had trouble expressing.  I hope I can have 30 more Poetry Thursday posts!

Two poems as usual, let me know what you think!

No Encore For Me
I’ll hide in the shadows,
shrouding my last breath of hope.
Forfeiting my chance, my time
within the spotlight.
No audience to see me,
no audience to applaud.
I am the understudy
to the main attraction -
to the star upon the stage.
And for all the talent,
all the great things
that make up my entirety -
none are as great as she.
For she has all that I have
and she has more than
I could ever hope for.
All that I am
is a cheaper, no-name brand
comparison to she.
And despite all my envy,
all my longing and pain,
I smile and applaud
from my lonely space backstage.
For she is admiration,
she is confidence and beauty.
She is everything
that I can never be.
And the show must go on without me.

"Hiding From Spotlights" by Faye Lacanila aka FayeYAHEY on deviantart.com

Bred in Captivity
Silence me if you must,
break me down, lose my trust.
Try to hold me back – I dare.
Try to push me into despair.
I can tell you, don’t even try -
you will never make me cry.
You are nothing, nothing at all -
I’m broken, but I can still crawl.
I won’t give you the satisfaction
to give you any type of reaction.
I can swallow all my rage,
I can escape from your cage.
When I am free, you will have no chance -
I’ll be gone without a second glance.

“Let Me Out” by Katiana on deviantart.com

Poetry Thursday #20

Hurray I actually was in the mood to write this week!  *Cheers from the audience* …Apparently today the voices in my head are louder; meh.  

Operation Pant Loss is coming along; I’ve had a bad couple of days, nothing too hard to handle; parents ordered pizza one night – and I tell you, Lugano’s Pizza in Burlington is by far the best pizza I’ve ever had, and I will not turn it down if offered to me.  Plus yesterday I was out all day with friends, ended up eating Chinese food at about 9pm (bad, bad, I know – nothing was open except for fast food – at least this way I got some vegetables).  But I have been exercising regularly, and have been conscious about what I’m eating!  I’m not doing as well as I could be [No, no, stop that, positive thinking!] So it’s not going bad at all!  Just need to keep at it! 

Anyways, two poems for this week, hope you enjoy!  Comment and let me know what you think!  I’m always open to constructive criticism.  

Hindrance
Don’t break my wings and then ask me to fly;
you force me down, but want me to reach the sky.
You tell me to speak but won’t let me reply -
don’t tell me you love but wish to see me cry.
Don’t force me to leave if you don’t want to say goodbye. 

"Let Me Go" by daimonia on deviantart.com

 

Rise of the Monster
In the darkness of my mind
there is a monster I keep confined.
Waiting behind its prison cell
until my defences it can quell –
then it and I will be combined.  

The darkness will take over me;
what once was whole will be debris.
Chaos will engulf my soul –
trying to fill what the monster stole.
All I am will cease to be.  

And if you look within my eyes
you can see beneath my guise;
The smile upon my face will show
the darkness hidden deep below.
This face of mine is filled with lies. 

"Monster" by GlitterShades on deviantart.com