My Break-up Playlist & Other Heartbreak Cures

I’ve been putting off updating my blog for quite some time now.  I guess I’ve gotten so used to trying to hold everything in, the idea of expressing myself on my blog seemed frightening.  But alas, loneliness triumphs over fear, and even if no one reads this post, I’ll feel like someone out there listened.

Love can really stink, can’t it?  Not that I’m knocking love, or hate people in love, I’m just saying it can really blow sometimes.  Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, losing love can hurt in so many ways it’s hard to express. 

The problem with breaking up is that everyone deals with it so differently.  I have one friend who eats chocolate for two weeks.  I have one friend who’ll start working out hardcore.  I think everyone has something they go to when they feel like they have no where to go.  Having been dumped recently (I think they call it “dumped” because you feel like someone took a messy shit on you and left you to clean it up), I’ve attempted to explain how I try to get over whatever is causing me pain.

I use these techniques whether it’s a break-up, a fight with a friend/losing a friend, grief over loss of anyone for that matter, as well as stress in all forms. This method is still in the works, because obviously I’m not perfect and don’t always deal with my issues the best – I am only human after all.

The first thing I do is to take at least a week of being alone.  I know some people out there may be really confused, but when I go through heartbreak (especially being dumped), I need massive space.  I don’t mind people asking me how I’m doing, but other than that, leave me alone.  It’s not that I don’t appreciate the love and support of my friends and family, its just that when I’m upset, I’m so conflicted.  Ever feel like everything will make you cry?  That’s me, except I also have a weird problem where I hate showing weakness.  So when I feel like I need to cry, but I don’t want people to be around me, I get agitated.  It’s no one’s fault but my own, it’s not the best way to deal with things – but the reason I do this is because expressing how I feel never makes it feel better to me.  Talking things through just makes me relive them.  What I want to do when I first break-up is to take some time in my room where I can cry freely and be alone.  Lets not forget the fact that I’ve been dumped, and I’m embarassed because I feel foolish that I didn’t see it coming, and that everyone around me probably did.

While I spend those first few weeks creating a nest in my bedroom, I listen to music….soo much music.  I have created a list of my break-up playlist must haves – songs that just know how you’re feeling.  Sure, some of them might make you cry harder and feel worse, but sometimes you need to throw yourself a pity party (but not for too long).  A lot of these songs are cliche, and some of them aren’t even that good, but they really help cure what ails me.  Here’s my playlist:

As you can tell, there’s quite a mix in this list – some sad, some angry, some uplifting.  I’m past the very sad “Someone Like You” phase of my break-up, but I’m not quite to the “Single Ladies” part of my break up.

I’m in an inbetween clusterfuck of emotions, which is the second phase of my break-up – I’m not quite ready to talk about how I’m feeling but I also don’t want to be alone.  It’s a hard situation because I want people to be there, but I don’t know how to ask.  And I haven’t been fair to my friends, I shouldn’t expect them to know what I want from them, or how I’m feeling – they’re just humans too.  Beneath all the smiles and laughs and telling people I’m all right, I know I’m not there just yet.  I know that I’ve been losing my temper and haven’t been dealing with my shit right. 

Is there a right way to get over someone?  Probably.  It’s hard when I’m at the phase where every past insecurity is coming back to haunt me – where I keep asking what I could’ve done better, what I did wrong, what’s wrong with me.  I ask and I get answers like “nothing”.  It feels like I’ve pushed people away and I really question the validity of peoplie’s answers.  If there’s nothing wrong with me, why don’t I have someone in my life?  If there’s nothing wrong with me, why do my friends hide from me?  I’m questioning everything and everyone, I’m confused and frustrated.  I know I haven’t been dealing with my frustration and my pain well, I don’t need anyone to tell me that to know it.  I guess I hope that the friends who really do care about me will forgive me as I’ve forgiven them through their hardships, and the ones who don’t – well maybe we’re all better off.  Space and time to reflect can heal all wounds.

During this confusing phase, which to me is almost worse than the first few weeks, I like to try to reevaulate my goals in life.  As I try to figure out what’s wrong with myself, I try to fix the things I can.  I make a new list of goals, I eat better, I go for more walks – I spend a lot of time thinking and figuring out what I can do for myself in the future.

I know I’m rambling hardcore right now, and maybe I decided to write today because I felt like on today in particular I had no where else to go.  Feeling alone, and knowing that some of that loneliness is at the direct cause of my actions or words – knowing that I fucked things up – it can be heartbreaking on its own.  Maybe I decided to write today as my last final act of my pity party, because I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself.  I’m sick of people feeling sorry for me.  Maybe I decided to write today because anyone out there who feels similar to me, I want you to know that I know deep down that pain goes away, that the best person to rely on when you feel down is yourself and that we can control how our life turns out.

I think ultimately I’m writing today because I want to get into the my last phase of the break-up – the phase where I’ve accepted it, it doesn’t make me sad, and I don’t feel alone.  I don’t know if writing this post makes anything better, but feeling like I’ve gotten some of those emotions out that I have a hard time expressing does help.  I don’t have the sympathetic faces of the people reading it to bother me, I don’t have the cliche advice that means nothing, I don’t have people trying to set up dates for me or tell me that everything will be ok.  Ultimately, I want to know for certain that it will be ok, I want to know that things will be better.

As far as the playlist goes – definitely check out some of the songs, some are really good.  When I’m feeling down, I also:

  • Watch a LOT of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • Go for more walks
  • Lose myself in a video game or a book
  • Write to myself

Who knows when I’ll feel like writing next, so until then, take care!

 

9 thoughts on “My Break-up Playlist & Other Heartbreak Cures

  1. Goodbye my lover, I love that song. His vocals are so haunting. I’m a big James Blunt fan, although I hear he is giving up on the music industry. Going back to private life. And then Someone Like You… that’s my song. Everytime I hear it I think of the boy I fell in love with, the one I was too scared to take a chance on. When he emailed me that he’d heard a new song that made him think of me, and it was the same song, omg, that pulled my heart! We’re both happily married, but there’s just something about the memory of 17 and almost lovers!

  2. Hi Cherlyn, I miss you and I didn’t know about your recent break-up until I checked your blog today. Anyway, since it’s already September and this was posted two months ago, I hope you’re now A-Okay. :) Anyway, I noticed in your blog header… a Stephen King Misery paperback! Is that yours? :) Sadly, mine is out there with some stranger who borrowed it from me a year ago but doesn’t seem to remember to return it to me… So, I think I’ll just get a new one. :)

    Just a verbal and virtual hug, I agree with Blaga that men come and go… And it doesn’t mean that you’re a loser if they leave you or vv. What I want you to know is that, God’s plans, his will, and his goals for us are better than our dreams. If you think you lost a lot of yourself along with the relationship that failed, God knows that you can carry on and move forward. Just keep on praying and God will give you the man you really deserve. Take it from me. :) Just keep believing in love and believing in God. :) You will be happy because a lot of people loves you. :)

    So smile because you’re so beautiful! Stop listening to the songs that make you cry, continue writing and loving and living. :) This too shall pass, as they say. God bless you and love you dear! :) <3

    • Thanks Judy! Things are A-Ok now methinks – overall I was upset but I think at the time I wrote this blog, I was more upset at some friends who weren’t being as supportive as I expected them to be – a few people were upset with me because I was I upset haha. Oh well, everything is good now though! Just gonna focus on school, I’m not too worried about having someone right now, I got my friends and family so that’s all that matters at the moment.

      And yup, that is my Misery – I found it at a used bookstore! I hope you find yourself a new copy :).

      Thanks for the virtual hug! I probably will still listen to songs that make me cry, because crying is healthy when you need to :). But they don’t make me cry right now at the moment haha.

      Thanks for your kind words! Thanks for stopping by :)! Love yah! <3

  3. I’m sorry to hear about this unpleasant event ! What I am about to tell you is probably the biggest cliche ever, but know I speak from experience … what matters today will definitely not matter in few years time and everything is going to be just fine. Time from now you will sit and laugh over this and probably regret of letting someone who doesn’t deserve you to see you weak as you appear right now. …

    Just know that loves and men come and go out of our lives and we shouldn’t waste time grieving over something that wasn’t meant to be. Take hour time to analyze what happened and see if there is a lesson to be extracted and if yes, GRAB IT, and move on!

    A very wise person has said: “there are worse things than being alone but it often takes decades to realize this and most often when you do it’s too late and there’s nothing worse than too late”
    ― Charles Bukowski

    Don’t be too late in enjoying life! Grieving over a break up eats the colors of your heart! Be strong …

    • Thanks Blaga :) You always know what to say to cheer me up!

      It’s funny, some days I feel freaking awesome, and then some days I feel really bad. It’s hard to explain. I know that I just gotta keep telling myself to move on and keep picking myself up, but sometimes I forget how to speak. Thank you for your kind words, it’s comforting to know someone so far away still cares :)

      • I understand you more than you know, and I know it’s hard to be the one with the grief than the one looking from a side, but it will pass and I’m sure there are many people who care about you, tomorrow it’s always a better day!

        • I know the people who care the most, and where they stand in my life – it’s comforting having those people to turn to. Tomorrow is a new day and every day is a bit easier thanks to the help of those people!

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