30 Days of Blogging Honesty (+1 Dare) – Day 22

“Allowing another person to fully love me means they must…”

I find this one of the hardest questions to answer for this meme.  The one after this is even harder though.

Allowing another person to fully love me means they must actively pursue my love.  What I mean by that is that I need for someone to actually put an effort in for a relationship.  When it comes to some of my current or past relationships, both friendly and romantic, I feel like I’ve put in a lot of the effort.  It’s tiring, knowing that you’re 90% of the effort that goes into the friendship.  I’ve even given up putting that much energy in and found myself without those friends in my life.

To allow someone to fully love me means they need to actually meet half-way with me.  I need to know that we’re in this together, that it’s not one person coasting along, that neither of us is pulling the other’s weight as far as making the relationship work.  Granted, sometimes stuff happens and someone has to pull a bit more weight from time to time, but I mean in the general grand scheme of love.

To me, love isn’t a fairytale – I don’t believe in “love at first sight”, it’s called lust people.  I don’t believe in soul mates, and I don’t believe in fate.  But I do believe in hard work, and I believe that some people are better together than others.  Love is about working together, to make things work, to compromise.  For someone to fully love me, the need to be able to work with me on our relationship, or eventually I’ll burn out and it’ll fail.  I can’t do the work of two people forever.

One other thing the other person must do is be able to make me laugh.  If I can’t joke with someone, there isn’t room for to fully love them, and they probably wouldn’t have much fun being around me either.

"It's Love" by DaliSina on deviantart.com

Oh and to all of my fellow participants – I will be stopping by each and every one of your blogs in the next few days to catch up on the posts that I’ve missed.  And after I’ve caught up, I will try my hardest to read your meme posts at least every other day to stay on top of everything.  Sorry for my delay on comments, my busy weeks are over so now I have more free time.  Huzzah!

The most up to date list available of participants: Nicole, Last Civilized Woman, Bannatreasures, Sajeev, Happyhippierose, Aurathena, Melanie, Marliz3e, TheFerkel, Prysmatique, AnonymousBurn, Caroline, Koi, Sylvia Garza, Mariana, Nenskei, MyNakedBokkie, Bluefiadiarries, VeehCirra, Princesa Musang, DLonelyStar, LJ, Terriblethinker, Sleep and Salami, Primadonna Zel, and Tom Baker. NSFW Sites: Everything Love & Lust, TemptingSweets99, Sofia.

8 thoughts on “30 Days of Blogging Honesty (+1 Dare) – Day 22

  1. Awesome answer and it should be the standard for everyone. I should have just let your post publish first and then copied it!

    One thing though, if you’ll forgive me for saying something in your comments that I should have had in my post is people sometimes say they want a relationship that is 50%/50%. What I think they mean to say is they want a relationship that is 100%/100% from both parties involved.

    I hope in our friendship I can make you laugh! If not, I have some baby pictures that are sure to do the trick.

    • what is 50%/50% would still be equal to 100%/100%. If both parties are putting in equal amount of effort, then there wouldn’t be a problem – the percentage, the number, doesn’t matter. Which is why I just said “meet halfway”.

      And yes, you make me laugh Tom, don’t you worry :)

  2. I’ve been working on this a lot the past few years, I am like you. When I’m in relationship with someone I feel like I’m always “on” and if I’m not then it’s not. But that’s not right because there are going to be days, weeks, months when I need someone to take the wheel and drive this thing. We can not do it all, nor should we have to. My friend Dale says that *all* we can do is let our partners (family, friends, lovers) know what needs we have and then *all* they can do is choose whether to meet them or not. It’s our observation of their choices that should help us find our ways healthily through…

    But what do I know – I’m still bumbling my way about, unsuccessfully, I might add.

    A beautiful answer.

    • I think relationships are one of those tricky entities which never really have a right or wrong answer, because it’s all relative to the couple in question. I definitely need to learn how to not be so controlling, and I definitely need people to learn to take initiative.

  3. I know that you and I do not get a chance to talk very often due to conflicting schedules (i.e I work at weird times), but whenever I read your blog I feel like we are sitting in a small coffee shop somewhere and actually having the conversation. That is one of the things that I admire about your writing style. I too have had to be the one to put forth most of the work in my relationships, regardless of what type they are. Sometimes its a pain to be a giver. What I wonder is where do you draw the line and decide that you are done? Is it just when you are emotionally drained or have you identified that breaking point and prevent it before it gets there? I personally still struggle to identify that line, but i have a much better idea of where it is than I did a couple of years ago.

    • I’m glad that my writing style sounds like my normal voice, it’s something I used to struggle to achieve.

      I can tell you’re the type of person to put the effort in relationships – you’re a hardworking, driven person and we’re the type of people who don’t settle for “half-assing” something.

      I still have difficulty drawing the line, but I’m getting better. I suppose one thing I do is try to be honest with the person I’m having the problem with, to let them know what’s going on and that I need more help from them. If things still continue, I know they’ll never change, and I stop trying as hard.

      However, I have an easier time drawing that line with friendships than relationships. Maybe it’s because I’ve had more friendships than relationships, but it’s easier to kind of stop caring with certain friends. That sounds awful I’m sure, but I guess that’s what happens when you get screwed over.

      Hopefully you’re not dealing with something like this too much right now, but if you are I can relate – and I’m always around to talk about it if you need to.

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