Poetry Thursday #71

I thought I’d attempt something new this week, and tried to write a Triolet style poem.  Typically a triolet has 8 lines, with only two rhymes.  The first line is repeated in the fourth and seventh lines, while the second line is repeated at the end.  The rhyme scheme ends up looking like this: ABaAabAB.  I attempted two poems, and I suppose they’re not too bad – I’m going to share them anyways, let me know what you think!

I Pass The Orchard
I pass the orchard in autumn’s day,
seeing all there is to see.
With crisp winds and skies of gray,
I pass the orchard in autumn’s day
to watch the leaves slowly die away.
Grieving the life of summer’s debris,
I pass the orchard in autumn’s day,
seeing all there is to see.

"Autumn Orchard" by Petrus Jansen aka petertreephotography on deviantart.com

Longing
Longing for grey to leave the skies,
wishing for sun to touch my face.
Awaiting the morn for the sun to rise -
longing for grey to leave the skies
and welcome soft, subtle sighs.
No rays of light to touch this place,
longing for grey to leave the skies -
wishing for sun to touch my face.

"Grey Star" by Ahmed Alromeadheen aka solidahmed from deviantart.com

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8 thoughts on “Poetry Thursday #71

  1. I really enjoyed the style of them poems, it is very interesting. I quite like how the first poem provides a really lovely transition into the second. This consistent idea of grey in the skies, of the approaching winter and the longing for the missing sun. They work very lovely as a pair of poems. Excellent job!

  2. I really liked these two poems but I must admit my ignorance. I never heard of this style until today. It does go without saying that you do a wonderful job at whatever style of poetry you create. if I’m not mistaken, I think it was your poetry that drew me to your blog on that very first day.

    I would like to see you write a book of poetry one day and see it sitting on my coffee table! I like I Pass The Orchard the best out of the two, perhaps because I hate the cold weather and this poem and photo make me think more of fall than winter (even though it is cold like winter now)!

    What do you mean you think your poems are okay. Of course they are! A wise person once told me that I am too hard on myself. I think that person should listen to him or her own advice! Stay sweet.

    • I hadn’t heard about that style until I had read one on Thursday Poets Rally one week. I felt inspired to attempt the style myself. I’m glad you enjoy my poetry so much. As for the “okay” part, I guess I always feel like I can do just a bit better, I find sometimes feeling that way makes it easier for me to keep working to improve myself. But you’re right, I probably am too hard on myself.

      I think I prefer Longing more-so myself, mostly cause whenI wrote it the skies were grey and I was feeling blue. But I do like both of them :) Thanks for stopping by Tom!

  3. You know I’m not an expert when it comes to forms and writing styles, so I can’t comment on that, but I love the message in the poems and the feelings, especially the second poem is in a perfect unison with my desire … if only summer could be here again! I’ve missed reading your poetry Cherlyn!

    • I’m no expert either, just thought I’d dabble in something different this week. I’m glad you enjoyed my poems this week though! I dont necessarily miss the heat, but for a good week it was so grey and gross here, it was depressing. Thanks for stopping by!

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