If I Had a Dick I'd Tell Twilightians to Suck It

I’m having my morning afternoon coffee, and I’m going through my normal routine – which is going through all my internet websites.  I’m on IMDB looking up the new Harry Potter movie coming out this year, and I come across this one post on the forum full of Twilightians trying to convince people that not only is Twilight and its series better than Harry Potter, but it’s the best series ever written.

Now before I commence my rant, I want to clarify the difference between a Twilight fan and a Twilightian.  A Twilight fan is one who enjoys the books, and probably not the movies.  They enjoy the story, but can still be critical of it, as well as admit that they enjoy many other books outside of this series.  I have many friends who are Twilight fans, and they are intelligent awesome people and though they like the books, they still point out the flaws of it just as much as the non-fans do.  Plus, they you know…have lives outside of this half-assed universe that Stephanie Meyer created.

Twilightians are a different case altogether.  They do not merely just enjoy this series – it is their fucking God.  They plague our stores, our streets, and most importantly – the internet with their mindless Twilight love.  Twilight and the series are the only books these people enjoy, and are hellbent on destroying every book that is not Twilight.  They become convinced that when one criticizes Twilight, that we are in fact criticizing their God, and their sane switch flips off.

Now many people who know me know that I do not like Twilight.  That’s really an understatement – I hate Twilight.  I LOATHE Twilight.  But after unintentionally  running into Twilight every where I go, I’ve had a dawning realization.  And it all has to do with comments like these found easily all around the internet:

Twilight is so much better because it’s real, at least it could be real. Harry Potter is just about some teenage kids who desperately need to grow up. Also there is no love in HP, Twilight is like the modern romeo & juliet, because if anyone has read romeo & juliet you would see how similar the mindless obsession is.

…or..

Because its just common sence to like twilight!!! Haha. Romance means everything. Bella and Edward are like, MENT 4 each other, and everything is just…. PERFENT!! In Harry potter, u would that that harry and harmonie would like… fall in love or something…. and then u watch people die in freaky ways, and then there creepy things….GAHH!!! but yea. (: I mean, its not like twilight is all about an idiot falling in love to get away from her problems.

I realized that it is not Stephanie Meyer that has made me turn into a ravenous Twilight-hater, or the books themselves even (of course, they do add to it…) – but it’s the God damn Twilightians!!

Everything that has a fan base has a few crazies in them – but I swear, I have never seen anything produce such vile imbecile mindless zombie followers before and it kind of freaks me out.  It’s great that people have found something to be excited about, and I really hope those who are fans of Twilight keep reading and move onto some really great books in their future.  It’s not that Twilight is popular that pisses me off.  It’s how the hardcore fans act that pisses me off.

Newsflash to Twiligtians: you can still like something and be critical of it.  It’s not a bad thing to point out the flaws in something you like, it doesn’t mean you dislike it or anything, it means you still appreciate it because of its flaws.  But what these hardcore zombie fans do instead of admitting to flaws or plot holes of their God is they attack everything else that isn’t Twilight.  And their arguments aren’t even sound.  What?  Harry Potter’s main focus isn’t romance?  Well shit!  I had NO FUCKING IDEA DURRRR.  Yeah, Harry Potter isn’t about romance, it has a good story arc that J.K. Rowling follows through until the end of the series, and it is well thought out.  There are parts in the series that kind of don’t 100% fit, but it’s still really enjoyable to a lot of people.  But if that is the main argument between Twiligtians and Harry Potter – then it really sets the bar on the maturity level of these hardcore fans.

And its these idiots that have made me become the ravenous psychotic Twilight hater that I am – and that’s really no better.  It’s a lose/lose situation.  Both hardcore haters and lovers are blinded.  The Twilightians are too blinded to admit any fault to their beloved book, and the anti-Twilighters like myself are too blinded to see past the stupid fans and the faults of the book to ever enjoy it.

If people weren’t so fucking crazy about Twilight, and they didn’t make Gawdawful movies based on them, I might have actually read them.  In second year of college, both of my roommates really enjoyed them.  And I hadn’t really heard too much about them beforehand to be honest.  And before these books and movies became too popular for me to keep up, I was somewhat interested in reading them.  Just to see what my roommates were talking about.  But then the nutcases came in, and ruined any interest I had in the novels.   I found myself finding reasons to hate the books just to spite these idiots.  And now I’m completely sour towards all that is Twilight and basically anything Stephanie Meyer.   Fuck, just writing this little rant has left a disgusting taste in my mouth.

So there you have it – hardcore Twilightians, if you ever wondered why some of us anti-Twilighters despise your beloved God – it’s because of you.  Go write in your fucking diary about how mean and stupid we are and then write about how no one in the world is as “perfect” as Edward.

Oh – and for the record.  Edward was a cool fucking name before fucking Twilight came out – and now you’ve tarnished my father’s and both my grandfather’s names.

Fuck you Twilight.  God I hate you.

For your view pleasure, I strongly recommend you watch Buffy meets Edward by rebelliouspixels: